Spotted on an 11 mile walk/run.
Day 95 was yesterday. I missed my post. Today I’ll do two. Yesterday I forgot what day of the week it was. Friday? Thursday? It was Saturday. I haven’t slept a full night’s sleep in a week. With B out of school, our schedule has been….what? Not a schedule. The past two days the temperature hovered around 40. Too cold to play in the driveway or take family walks with Shiloh around the neighborhood. This made me realize I really appreciated when it was beautiful out. 70. No mosquitos yet. Not humid. I could live in 70 forever.
It’s been 21 days since we quarantined for the coronavirus. School has been difficult. Life has been…difficult? But also speckled with small beautiful moments that I want to swallow.
I slept 5 hours last night, up since 4:30 am when B entered our bed. What wonder did I experience yesterday? Being outside by myself is my wonder. Running. My ears almost froze off yesterday and I remember wondering how wild it was — to go from a tank top one day to freezing the next.
My mom also sent Nick and me masks in the mail. It’s now recommended everyone wears a mask. A scary time to be alive. Pray for all of us.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how wonder is not quite what I hypothesized it as: deep and accessible. This experiment has complicated that definition and challenged it. I think of wonder as small surprises, natural delights, the changing of time, growth. But overall, today this phrase came to me: The World is For You….Not Against You.
What do I mean by that?
I was trying to pick just one wonderful thing that happened today, and my mind was moving like a spider across a web, trying to pick just one. So I will share them, chronologically.
At 6:45 am, my son knocked on my door. He sleeps in a crib and I’ve been scooping him up out of his crib every morning for 3 years and eleven days. The knock made me pause. My boy was getting bigger. He was a monkey and could climb out of his crib easily, but even in his athletic ability, he still called my name in the morning from his room. Him knocking startled and delighted me. I told him to jump in my bed and get some more rest. I wasn’t ready for this moment, yet, I was. Of course I was. But in a way I was sad to realize my son wouldn’t need me in the ways I’d been accustomed to. But I was delighted by his independence, his growth, his joy to come and find me.
At 10:00 am, I entered a fairly empty TJ Maxx looking for thank you cards to send to everyone who so lovingly bought my son a birthday gift and/or attended his third birthday party. I know handwritten thank you cards are so old school, but I love them. However, once inside TJ Maxx one cannot just buy the desired item one came for then leave. (Cardinal rule!) I stumbled upon an orange Nike Oklahoma State hat…..normally $25, on sale for $6. This was a moment of wonder to me. I’d been wanting a hat, there the hat sat, on the shelf, waiting.
At 4:45 pm, I was on a jog. Well. It was more of a walk than a job because it had been cold and I had been busy so I hadn’t gone as frequently. When I run I play Spotify music from my phone that cozies up inside an athletic fanny pack. And as I was running, the birds chirped like it was spring, a melody, their own song. They were louder than my music and I attuned my ear to listen to just them. Before iPhones and digital music and cassette players — there were the birds. To sing and sing and sing some more.
So, world: how do I pick which wonder? Perhaps a side effect of this experiment is noticing wonder more, subconsciously. And by seeing more than one wonder a day, I affirm that the world is on my side. I can look at the small three moments today and see this to be true.